Conspiracy (groan...) Numero Uno

One of the saddest things about growing up is having to enter the real world, a place inhabited by ruthless, power-hungry politicians, belligerent war-mongers, fanatics of all creeds and people who think fashion is an acceptable conversation topic in polite society.

I've realised that, yet again, I've let the real world slip quietly past and have of late not been keeping abreast of the political and social turmoil that appears to be tearing Turkey apart. Or of the people who threaten to do it.

It's time for me to introduce, in order for me to understand, The Ergenekon Case.

Since Turkey can appear at times to be a highly confused and confusing nation, this might take a lot of my time and what remains of my patience. However, my hope is that by understanding the Ergenekon case I might finally comprehend what's really goes on in the world of grown-up people. Hell, I might even find it interesting - for according to the media the saga contains every imaginable element needed for even the most tedious, unintelligible and perplexing TV series.

OK. We need a touch of history here. Ergenekon, the stuff of legend, is an inaccessible locale in the Altay mountains of Central Asia, birthplace of the Turkic peoples. Think Romulus and Remus, substitute a grey wolf, and you're on the right track.

In today's environment Ergenekon is the name of the deep state operating within Turkey, containing members of the judiciary, military, business world and the all-too-spooky mafia, who essentially think that ultra-nationalism is the way forward and whose current goal is to topple the incumbent government. Very, very secretly.

I don't believe in conspiracies because, quite frankly, I haven't got the time. And they all sound so freakin' childish.

Ergenekon is perhaps the largest and most complex conspiracy I've ever encountered, making JFK and Marilyn look like a more uneventful episode of the OC.

If you believe the incessant press, the state within the state has operated more or less as a group of untouchables at the highest levels of national government for quite a long time. And I guess it would have to, since bringing down a democratically elected government requires large quantities of money, influence, time and manpower. And plenty of will.

The storm had already been brewing for quite some time when in July 2007 a house in Ümraniye, known to me only because Istanbul's first IKEA opened there, was found loaded with all manner of ammunition. In a nation where 3000 people die by gunfire each year, I can imagine even a cursory inspection of my neighbourhood would unearth more. We could start with the imam across the way - he's been looking particularly and evasive shifty of late.

Anyway, The Turkish National Intelligence Organisation confirmed that it's been aware of the Ergenekon group since 2002 and the case is now being conducted by the Istanbul Court of Assize for Organised Crimes and Terror Crimes. Almost 86 people have been charged with conspiracy to overthrow the State. That is a lot of people for me to remember, especially when 1 in 10 Turks are called Mehmet and the rest, Ahmet. It's difficult to distinguish everyone.

The sheer number of people involved make it almost impossible for the foreigner to follow. The length of the indictment runs to over 2500 pages. Quite frankly, do you have the time for this? An interesting comparison was made with the Nuremberg Trials, whose indictment totalled 70 pages. But then, Microsoft Word has made all of us rather more verbose and probably less loquacious. When was the last time you read a 2500-page document? War and Peace? Proust? Let's face it, no-one reads articles or novels of that length unless you want to appear as a pretentious wanker by confounding others with facts you're not all that clear about yourself.

Hence the role of today's lawyer.

Anyway, the trial began on Thursday 16 October. I'm going try to get myself up-to-date, so I can keep you, the reader, in touch with the latest adult-like going-ons in this wonderful world of ours.

And on a personal level, notwithstanding the outcome of the case, some of these people should be indicted solely for their outrageously unacceptable moustaches.